Never Perfect Heart Again

maybe some of u ppl who knows me would think im very

sam pat(38), very fan,

annoying at times, crazy, fierce, stupid n always looks happy..

but i doubt any of u had seen the real side of me,

even with my 'bestest' frenz,

i never really show the true me..

always faking some smile on to my bloodless white face..

i always believed in all fairy tales n love it so much...

but as time pass, i came to realise the real world isn't like tat...

i do not know why, how, n when did i started faking my self,

but i know that there was once i almost lost my true self..

im not kidding!!!

u may think tat how can u loose ur self,

well if u never experience u will never know..

now, to all my high school frenz,

i really love most of u guys alot,

although i may not mean anything to most of u guys,

but u guys really meant alot alot alot to me...

words cant really do justice on how i feel bout u guys,

but i really did treasure the time v had...

i know after leaving chs,

v would all walk our different ways..

that breaks me apart inside,

maybe i would never get to see some of u lovely ppl again...

now i wanna thank all my dearest frenzwho walk wit me through tis path...

1st of all, all my classmates who greatly supported me,

during class trip n class t...

i opologize as i kno the class t isn't tat nice,

n im very happy that all u guys,

28 of u ppl who supported me...im really very happpy n touched..

next my artie art frens...

TAM TAM CRAB, FISH. LAI LAI &GWENIE TOO TOO,

i really had so much fun there doin all crazy stuff together,

love u guys all so much,

futher on,

all the frens that will SAM PAT with me,

SI JUN, SHUK PUI, DARREN PIG, SHEN WEN, KIM N....

so many more,

u guys n ppl r lovely, im always happy around u ppl,

although some of u i just know for a year or less,

but i do really like having times with u..

then lastly, ppl who r always there when i ask for help,

first in line, TAM SHER REN,

KGAI TER DARLING, SHUN ZHI ZHI, YONGQING N REBECCA...

TAM is always there for me whenever i was loonely or burting inside

my LAO GONG is always there to encourage me n ever supportive of me,

I rmb when i was at the driving exams...

ZHI ZHI, although v may not speak much,n he says he's INTROVERT,

but he is a very nice n caring guy.

although he may look 'cool' n cold, but.......

as long as i know v r good frenz n i trust him too..

QING, he may seem moody always,

but actualy when he brigthen up,

he is an awesome guy to be around too.

finally, REBECCA,

altough she is not studying here anymore,

but she will always be willing to hear me talk n care bout me..

i really fell in love with high school bcause of u guys,

and i will never loose u all...

will u guys just allow me my selfishness,

u ppl mean so so so very much to me!!

PROM

PROM,

well, i tot it was pretty fun n everyone looked gorgeous!!!

i really had fun going crazy with my frenz,

n d dancing part was nice too!!!

pulling together all my frenz together, & dancing was fun!!!

although if u dunno how to dance, SO WHAT,

nobody cares much too.

Dancing was the best part of prom(for me),

although the feet really really hurt when jumping heels,

but wat is prom without dancing??

Its was really a wonderfull ending for my high school life,

but its wasn't tat perfect.

although i aldi knew it would end up this way,

but i was still hoping,

hoping maybe i got a chance.

And now i know im giving my self false hope.

because after high school,

the chances of me getting XX is like less then 8%.

so screw it la,

its was just a small chapter in my life,

although i may not forget the feeling that i couldn't get it

n it some how hurts in a way,

but i will still have to move on..

maybe someday

i will get something better then wat i wanted so badly now!!

that is why it was not a perfect ending for me,

but its ok, I GUESS,

at least i really had great great memorise with all my good frenz

& new frenz that I've made last two years..

Leaving all my frenz behind now kinda hard for me,

as i really did love them so much.

Flash Back!!!

today after school, damn gek account,

dont even know what i was doing in exam!!

then at bus stop while talking to my frenz,

i saw something horrible!!

I saw a little white kitten ran over by cars,

it vomit blood all over,

white fur turn all red!!!

it happen in a split second,

the poor helpless kitten, gone!!

and all i did was just stand there doing nothing!!

i feel so bad,

it was just like that saturday morning,

i dont think i would ever forget it.

my dog Coco...

gone too, and i wasn't by its side for the last few moments,

i thought it was ok, untill i came back from school activities..

i could never see it again..

at that time i was so helpless too...

its was always there for me when i was sad,

i would share my things with it,

and yet at its last moments i wasn't there for it!!

What a bad owner am I!!!

first day of spm

before spm, this was my life

100%-1%(busy studying)

first day of spm, this is my life

99%-5%

(dont care much bout BM)

estimating my life after second day,

94%-20%..

SPM so killing

day by day,

time pass by swiftly.

counting down till disaster meets me,

its slowly eating away my sanity.

the sky turns dark whenever i look outside,

thunder n lightning like a sign of warning.

though i feel the pressure within,

but im so lost n dont knnow where to begin.

looking at my books so blankly,

wondering what the hell is it saying.

thinking of the day i walk in,

the paper so white with no hand writing.

hope u people dun feel the same as me,

as SPM is arriving.

all the best to those sitting with me,

try ur best and spread your wings.

today, bcuz of class-t i had abit of misunderstanding with my frens..

i thought they did not support me,

they they so call me good frenz.

IM VERY SORRY SQUIKY N NICE...T_T

but i was truly dissapointed after i heared u sais that u guy did not want to buy it.

cuz i spend hours n days working on it.

listening to other ppl throwing their temper on me everytime.

sorry it's too late for me to change the design noe,

i cant do anything bout it cuz its too late!!

if u guys had juz told me a little earlier..

i know i said some mean words tat time, cuz i'm aldi exhuasted of it.

doin class-t & class trip the same time is really killing me!!!

i cant really concentrate on my studies & time is running out!!

i can feel the pressure on me aldi,

even my pimples are bursting out,

and i dont usually have them,

not till now..

i've screw up so many years of my exams,

& i dun hope to screw it up for the last time...

tat was why i did not have very good temper today!!

which i usually dun do that!!

IM TRULY SRY

SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRYSRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY

to both of u!!

i hope there r no hard felling between us!!

hope v still can have our toilet trips together!!!

MY DAYS WITH TAM

HEY THERE PITREE(well i think is like tat spell gua)

who cares!! haha

I saw ur blog d,

aww!!

so nice knowing tat

well maybe i never told u too,

but u n fish fish are my best frens!!

We've been to the same chinese tuition since primary

although i dint know u back then

cuz u were like those smarty pants at the back,

making hell lots of noise,

n i was sitting wit other ppl!! haha

And know at Mr Ho tuition,

when v go all crazy finding ans when he start asking ques..

i really like art class with u guys

its like the most fun time of the week.

!!!

AGREE??

talking crap together

singing lame old song,

taling bout kam mou,

n 1 more thing,

always thinking'SHIT later at goey its time to watch live XX again'

u get wat i mean ya..

haha

i really treasure my crabie,

cuz its big n fat,

n should be tasty too!!!

muahahaha

kidding..

i definately make our date to PASAR MALAM ok

then me, u n fish can go eat 'luk luk'

ok

LOVE U ALWAYS GIRL

n dun forget the times when v 'zhat' tat dumb dumb

LIVIA together ya!!

v should do tat more too

haahaa!!!

maybe v may go to the same college too...

but anyhow, I'll still see u at SS2 ya

MY SS2 BUDDY!!!